Dear Merciless Husband

"You didn't have to follow me, you know."

"But dear, what kind of dutiful wife would I be if I didn't watch my husband commit vile acts of murder?"

"You are anything but a dutiful wife and–"

"I beg to differ."

"What?"

"I feed you, sex you, support your work and I take great pleasure putting you in your place"

"Darling. Fuck off. I can do this on my own."

"I know, dear. I'm just here to watch."

"It doesn't count any way."

"What doesn't count?"

"Your 'I'm a good wife' list. Because yesterday erased everything you have ever done for me. No, don't laugh at that, it's true! You are meant to be to on my side in a fight."

"You and your ego. Has it ever occurred to you that you might have been the one on the wrong side? Not everything is worth fighting for."

"It was a knife fight. To the death. You don't need to wish me luck, but for fuck's sake stop cheering on the other guy."

"Did you see the size of his knife? It made yours look . . . tiny."

"But who won, dear? Who won? I did. And who died with their broken face in a pool of blood? He did. And if you disrespect the knife again I will stab you until you say sorry."

"Always threatening the ones closest to you . . . I think you have some psychological issues we need to work on. I know this serial killer who likes to electrocute people. He probably knows electroshock therapy too."

"We're not close. It's your fault we're married."

"Actually, it's yours. You tricked me."

"I want a divorce."

"Never."

"There. Your fault."


"So when are you going to kill those children? Oh. Happy children. Some of them are even playing together. The younger ones. Do you see?"

"Yes. I see."

"You better hurry then. Their innocence won't last long in a place like this. Maybe, if you're fast, some will die smiling."

"Why are you here?"

"Dear merciless husband . . . why are you really here?"

"You know why I'm here. I can tell. One of the kids told you, didn't they?"

"Is the thought your wife might know you really that frightening?"

"Maybe, seeing as it's you. Some discretion would be ideal. I have a reputa- You're here to blackmail me! Aren't you?"

"Actually, no. Some of the kids are frightened of you and you don't have the right to look so surprised, so stop that. I can teach the quieter ones to fight. You can take the obnoxious ones."

"That sounds good. I didn't want to teach girls anyway."

"Are you saying you don't find me obnoxious?"

"You're tolerable."

"Aw, sweetie. I find you tolerable too."